One of the things that blows my freaking mind, and by freaking mind, I actually mean fucking mind, are the rich-bitch customers that come into Target. I mean, really, why are you shopping at Target? Are you broke as all hell like the rest of us or is this some kind of slumming thing?: "Look at me, Poopsie, I'm pretending to be poor, let's go to a monster-truck rally, next." But their presence doesn't really bother me, it's the way they say
thank you. I know I shouldn't criticize anyone that even speaks to me at Target, I'll get to those knuckle dragger's later, but when these women say
thanks You can't hear it unless you were a dog with a cone in his ear. The only sound you hear is the "s" on the end of the word. So instead of thanks, all you hear is
: sssssss. "Holy shit!" I yell, "Look out lady! there's a snake in here or a leaky gas pipe!"
Speaking of annoying, How hard is it, when a cashier says"Hello. or thank you, to return the favor? I mean, I totally understand that before you came to Target, You had an abortion and then your car got a flat and then your boyfriend broke up with you by TXT MSG because he didn't think that the baby was his, even tough the baby wasn't even an issue anymore–But still, all you have to do is repeat what the cashier says: If they say: "Good morning", you can even say the more non-committed: "Morning." Or even "Hi" But Nooo, they just ignore me as if I've just said: "Hi, are you fat or pregnant?"
Speaking of pregnant (nice segue). One of the few perks of the job are the pregnant or formally pregnant women. It's not that they're extra nice. Sometimes they are and other times they look like they want to hurl, I should probably stop eating live baby chicks at my register. But for reason's I have to know, they always like to wear these skimpy low-cut tops. Now I'm not into pregnant women like those weird porn sites that cater to those fetish freaks, but if you know anything about human physiology, when women get pregnant and especially during breast feeding, THEIR BOOBS GET GIGANTOR! And so, when they come up to the register, wearing low-cut tank tops, it's like their boobs are leading the way like a pushy, bodyguard shoving adoring fans out of the way to make room for the movie star. But why the low-cut shirts? In winter ? My theory is: Either their boobs hurt and the low cut things are more comfortable; The low-cut tops are easy for baby access or my favorite, they're saying: "Finally! God has blessed me with the body of a Barbie doll without one dollar of surgery! Read-em and weep boys!"
Can't touch this! Do do do do!
The only time I was thrown for a loop was when a 20-something year-old woman had a chest like two bald-headed men under a blanket. But then, I noticed that she wasn't pregnant! Nor had she any body fat which also produces women with 44 DDDs. My diagnoses: Stripper, desperate house wife or mafia moll.
Speaking of getting reamed (not a good segue), They gave us our reviews recently and even tough people worked their asses off, picked up their asses and screwed them back on, they of course rewarded us with raises that make working in a Chinese shit factory look like a up-grade.
I've seen this happen before, when I worked for an art supply store. We worked our asses off, picked them up, polished them clean and kept working, and made the store lots of dollar signs. Come raise time, what do they do? Chinese shit factory! This of course caused a mass exodus of all of the good employees and a year later the place went out of business. You heard it here first. If Target folds, don't say they weren't warned.
Speaking of projectile vomiting.
That's all, EM
Okay. I've finally figured out how something works, which is rare because I break everything and never get them fixed. In California, like a couple of other states we have wacky propositions which appear on the ballots every now and then that make you say: "What a stupid, racist homophobic piece of shit legislation, there's no way in hell, people are going to be that stupid and vote on that." A few months later– surprise! Motherfuckers! It's now illegal for Gays to breathe oxygen.
One of the things that blows my freaking mind, and by freaking mind, I actually mean fucking mind, are the rich-bitch customers that come into Target. I mean, really, why are you shopping at Target? Are you broke as all hell like the rest of us or is this some kind of slumming thing?: "Look at me, Poopsie, I'm pretending to be poor, let's go to a monster-truck rally, next." But their presence doesn't really bother me, it's the way they say thank you. I know I shouldn't criticize anyone that even speaks to me at Target, I'll get to those knuckle dragger's later, but when these women say thanks You can't hear it unless you were a dog with a cone in his ear. The only sound you hear is the "s" on the end of the word. So instead of thanks, all you hear is : sssssss. "Holy shit!" I yell, "Look out lady! there's a snake in here or a leaky gas pipe!"
On my way to work on Big-ass, slow, truck getting in my damn way, day; celebrated by having a large, slow truck keeping my car from catching any green lights, I heard a story on NPR or as I like to call it: Not Public, Really. There was a story of how scientist want to deal with the whole global warming thing. Not by building electric cars, low watt vibrators or getting people to stop driving SUVs, but by shooting reflective shit into the atmosphere and having the particles reflect sunlight; therefore cooling the planet a little. I'm going to pause for a second so you can think about this.........................Okay, let us think about this. Apparently, none of these scientist have ever seen the Animatrix. Remember, those series of cartoons based on the Matrix? What? Didn't see it? Neither did a lot of people. Okay in one of the series of cartoons, it shows the origin of the whole fucked-up Earth thing and why the sky is all lightning-smoky. Simple: the robots ran on solar power so the humans crop-dusted the atmosphere with smoke to block the sunlight, causing the robots to start using humans as batteries. Of course we don't have any computers or robots that can come close to world domination, YET! (insert 1950's sci-fi music here) But I rather they bribe coal company execs with NASCAR tickets and trailer-whore blow jobs, or spend trillions of dollars on a SUV buy-back program, before we start shooting metallic dust into the atmosphere–it's like sketching with all of humanity! When you try something stupid, like; say, pretending that the carpet is hot lava and try to go around your house without touching the floor (not that I'd ever do that) and your wife comes in and surprises you, causing you to fall onto that ugly-ass lamp you wanted to get rid of anyway, That qualifies as a stupid-ass thing to do BUT the worst thing that happened is a broken lamp shaped like an elephant having sex with Sarah Palin (or at least that's what it looked like to me). You can easily replace the lamp. YOU CAN"T REPLACE THE ATMOSPHERE. There's no reset button that makes that Apple computer start-up noise; Shwoooong!
While I was out gathering shopping carts in the cold rain, today I've came to the conclusion that Target is Mordor. I mean, think about it. You have that big glowing logo like a big flaming eye, watching everything. You have the Hobbits (cashiers, sales floor people) who just want to make it trough the working day and be left the fuck alone. You have the Elves: (office people) who aren't evil or anything but want to make things easy for everyone and are therefore a little uncommitted. The Dwarfs: (disgruntled Hobbits) They hate the job so much that they don't give a shit anymore. Dwarfs are usually fired fast, so as not to spread their influence. Monsters: (customers) Not all monsters are bad, some are quite nice. But anyone that enters your personal space should make you put your hand on your sword and prepare for the worst. Trolls: people who do the shit work: (Janitors, loading dock...etc. ) Usually undocumented workers. Wizards:( Head management) Are they good or bad? Doesn't really matter. Their goal is to destroy other wizards (Walmart, Cosco) no matter what they have to do . It's best you stay out of their way or get hit with a lightning bolt. Humans (Realistic supervisors and managers). Whenever I hear any Supervisors complain about any policy's, or change the rules, I think : "Okay, you still have a realistic view of what it's liker to work at a crap ass retail job. therefor, holding on to their humanity. As opposed to:
