While I was out gathering shopping carts in the cold rain, today I've came to the conclusion that Target is Mordor. I mean, think about it. You have that big glowing logo like a big flaming eye, watching everything. You have the Hobbits (cashiers, sales floor people) who just want to make it trough the working day and be left the fuck alone. You have the Elves: (office people) who aren't evil or anything but want to make things easy for everyone and are therefore a little uncommitted. The Dwarfs: (disgruntled Hobbits) They hate the job so much that they don't give a shit anymore. Dwarfs are usually fired fast, so as not to spread their influence. Monsters: (customers) Not all monsters are bad, some are quite nice. But anyone that enters your personal space should make you put your hand on your sword and prepare for the worst. Trolls: people who do the shit work: (Janitors, loading dock...etc. ) Usually undocumented workers. Wizards:( Head management) Are they good or bad? Doesn't really matter. Their goal is to destroy other wizards (Walmart, Cosco) no matter what they have to do . It's best you stay out of their way or get hit with a lightning bolt. Humans (Realistic supervisors and managers). Whenever I hear any Supervisors complain about any policy's, or change the rules, I think : "Okay, you still have a realistic view of what it's liker to work at a crap ass retail job. therefor, holding on to their humanity. As opposed to:Golums (Overzealous brain-washed workers) These are the worst of the worst as far as dealing with on a daily basis. These are the employees who have sold their souls to the devil and without a bit of irony, will use words like: "team member" or brand loyalty" and honestly believe any dribble that comes out of the Target manifesto. There's this girl at work who is soooo much into Target that it's like she has absolutely no other life outside of the store. I mean really? Isn't Target just a job? The only people who have any chance of a career are the Elves and wizards. Golums are very unpredictable because at any moment they'll grab the ring and throw your sorry ass into the volcano.
I've been working so long at Mordor, that I feel like I'm slowly getting my soul sucked out of me by that glowing eye thingy. Getting out of bed is like realizing that : "Shit!" I have to get this god-damned ring off before I start using words like :"Target team building exersise"
It doesn't make matters better when people say: "At least you have a job." As opposed to what? Yes, no job could be worst but that's like losing a leg and someone says: "At least you still have one left." George Bushit really did a number on the economy and yet people act like it's Obama's fault for trying to fix it.
I mean, come on! I can track your circulatory system from your heart trough your entire body. I have graphic art experience and animate my own movies. and here I am, gathering shopping carts in the rain, talking poor people into getting credit cards and having customers argue with me because a bra cost $4 more than the sign on the self said. Here's clue: If you had said hello to your cashier, I'd change the price with no problem. Otherwise I deserve a metal for controlling my foot in ass disease.
Bottom line. I have to get the fuck out of Mordor.
That's it:
E.M
