The Neighs Have it

Let me start off with saying I have a unwarranted fear or horses, probably bought on by cowboy movies and Ben Hur where they kick, bite and roll over on people. On a 6 mile bike ride, I made an unexpected turn into an area of a state park that I didn't even know existed and started to climb up to the top of the hills, I became exhausted and decided to walk my bike up the rest of the way. It was then that I noticed a large group of unsupervised horses off to the side, eating grass. I figured as long as I didn't startle them, they would freak out and trample after me. I slowly and silently walked passed them. And then, one of them (the leader?) gives a horse neigh sound. Suddenly, they all started walking behind and to the side of me, like the Jets, ready to pounce. I managed to keep my cool because, maybe like dogs, they can smell fear. On the trail, separating different area is a barbed wired fence and a metal cow gate for entry. I figured out that these horses think that I'm leading them to exit through the cow gate so that they can go somewhere else and eat more grass. Most likely, this is a routine that their owner does during the day. The top of the hill was a lot higher than I wanted to go so I decided to turn around and go back. Unfortunately, at this time, the horses are blocking my path. Like a scene from the Birds, I cautiously walked my bike pass these gigantic human rolling-over animals.

 Thing are going smoothly until this large white one comes right up to me. Like an alien meeting a human for the first time it examines me and my bike so close that I thought I might as well touch it. I reach out my hand, quite prepared for it to bite it off and  it lets me touch it right between the eyes, then it let's me pet it. I walk my bike around it and it and a few others start to follow me down the hill. The white horse starts licking and trying to eat my bicycle seat. The horses figure out that I'm not some horse wrangler come to liberate them and they trotted off back to where they were before. I rode home vowing to never eat horse meat.

Leia's Outfit

Okay. In Return of the Jedi, Leia gets captured trying to save Han and in the next scene, she's wearing the classic slave Leia outfit. My question is, how did we go from dressed like an alien to intergalactic bikini babe? Keep in mind that Leia has proven that she is tough and is capable of killing. You have three scenarios:
1) "Put this on or we'll drug you and put it on you."
2) "Put this on or these two  Lekku women will force it on you (much wrestling ensues, many men were entertained) and…
3) "Put this on? Gladly! I've always wanted to wear one of these! O-M-G! is that Bantha fur? Do you know how hard it is to work with Bantha fur? This is good craftsmanship. Can I keep this after I escape? I'm serious, after I kill you all, I'm totally gonna keep this. Han Solo is gonna get a raging boner when he sees me in this one.

That's all, E.M.

Fool's Facebook Faux Pas

So anyway. This fellow employee asked  me why I didn't like to Facebook friend people at work who were supervisors and managers. I found his question rather puzzling because it would be obvious why you would not want to be Facebook friends with your supervisors and managers especially if you have a blog like this one. If you're Facebook friends with them how are you supposed to talk freely about how bad your day was at work?

For example: Suppose there's a guy name Jorge. Jorge has a Facebook account and he has stupidly friended his supervisor and his manager

Jorge: "LOL. Shit was so funny what my boss did today. 'There' so stupid sometimes. (note: why do people never use the word 'they're'?)

Supervisor: "And what exactly did I do today, Jorge?"

Jorge:"It's nothing."

Supervisor: "No,  please Jorge, remind me of how stupid I am."

Jorge:"No, it wasn't you man… It was one of other supervisors… Yeah that's it.

Supervisor:"Really, which one? Jennifer that's in the wheelchair because of her polio? Or Margo that's going through a horrible divorce and her father's dying. Which one of us is the stupid one Jorge ? Tell me please.

Jennifer: "OMG! I Can't believe you think I'm stupid, Jorge!

Margo: "WHY ARE YOU GUYS EXPOSING MY SHIT IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!!!

Supervisor: "It's not me, it's Jorge."

Jennifer: "Fuck you, Bill! Why don't you talk about how you're always starring at my ass, all the fucking time.!"

Supervisor: "Hey! I can look where I want."

Margo: Jenny. Don't worry about it. Bill is so gay he sews his own dresses."

Supervisor: "I AM NOT GAY!"

Mr. Head Supervisor: "You guys. I think we should all have a meeting about privacy policies, tomorrow in my office."

Supervisor: "Shit! Jorge! Your friends with Tom?" (Note: Drives me nuts when people don't use 'you're')

Jorge:"I forgot I friended him. He never post anything or clicks 'like."He must have been lurking for the past year."

Mr. Head Supervisor: "Yes. And I really enjoyed all of those shots of you at a bar, hangng with your hommies and as you said in the photo:  "Try'n to get on some bitches."

Rita: "I knew it! Jorge, you fucking cheater! 'Your' so dead!" (Note: 'your'. ugh!)

Jorge: "Thanks boss. My life is ruined."

Mr. Head Supervisor: "Only half. The other half will be ruined monday morning when I fire you."

Jorge: "WTF? Ahh man well… FUCK YOU. FUCK ALL YOU PUSSIES! I QUIT! YOU CAN SUCK THE AIR OUTTA MY FAT BALLS YOU PUNK ASS BITCHES!

Miss Rodriguez: "I'm so ashamed to call you my son. Such a disrespectful young man."

Jorge: "Ma?  'Your' one of my friends? I thought you were dead?"

Miss Rodriguez: "No, I'm just a lurker."


That's all, E.M.