Leia's Outfit

Okay. In Return of the Jedi, Leia gets captured trying to save Han and in the next scene, she's wearing the classic slave Leia outfit. My question is, how did we go from dressed like an alien to intergalactic bikini babe? Keep in mind that Leia has proven that she is tough and is capable of killing. You have three scenarios:
1) "Put this on or we'll drug you and put it on you."
2) "Put this on or these two  Lekku women will force it on you (much wrestling ensues, many men were entertained) and…
3) "Put this on? Gladly! I've always wanted to wear one of these! O-M-G! is that Bantha fur? Do you know how hard it is to work with Bantha fur? This is good craftsmanship. Can I keep this after I escape? I'm serious, after I kill you all, I'm totally gonna keep this. Han Solo is gonna get a raging boner when he sees me in this one.

That's all, E.M.

Fool's Facebook Faux Pas

So anyway. This fellow employee asked  me why I didn't like to Facebook friend people at work who were supervisors and managers. I found his question rather puzzling because it would be obvious why you would not want to be Facebook friends with your supervisors and managers especially if you have a blog like this one. If you're Facebook friends with them how are you supposed to talk freely about how bad your day was at work?

For example: Suppose there's a guy name Jorge. Jorge has a Facebook account and he has stupidly friended his supervisor and his manager

Jorge: "LOL. Shit was so funny what my boss did today. 'There' so stupid sometimes. (note: why do people never use the word 'they're'?)

Supervisor: "And what exactly did I do today, Jorge?"

Jorge:"It's nothing."

Supervisor: "No,  please Jorge, remind me of how stupid I am."

Jorge:"No, it wasn't you man… It was one of other supervisors… Yeah that's it.

Supervisor:"Really, which one? Jennifer that's in the wheelchair because of her polio? Or Margo that's going through a horrible divorce and her father's dying. Which one of us is the stupid one Jorge ? Tell me please.

Jennifer: "OMG! I Can't believe you think I'm stupid, Jorge!

Margo: "WHY ARE YOU GUYS EXPOSING MY SHIT IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!!!

Supervisor: "It's not me, it's Jorge."

Jennifer: "Fuck you, Bill! Why don't you talk about how you're always starring at my ass, all the fucking time.!"

Supervisor: "Hey! I can look where I want."

Margo: Jenny. Don't worry about it. Bill is so gay he sews his own dresses."

Supervisor: "I AM NOT GAY!"

Mr. Head Supervisor: "You guys. I think we should all have a meeting about privacy policies, tomorrow in my office."

Supervisor: "Shit! Jorge! Your friends with Tom?" (Note: Drives me nuts when people don't use 'you're')

Jorge:"I forgot I friended him. He never post anything or clicks 'like."He must have been lurking for the past year."

Mr. Head Supervisor: "Yes. And I really enjoyed all of those shots of you at a bar, hangng with your hommies and as you said in the photo:  "Try'n to get on some bitches."

Rita: "I knew it! Jorge, you fucking cheater! 'Your' so dead!" (Note: 'your'. ugh!)

Jorge: "Thanks boss. My life is ruined."

Mr. Head Supervisor: "Only half. The other half will be ruined monday morning when I fire you."

Jorge: "WTF? Ahh man well… FUCK YOU. FUCK ALL YOU PUSSIES! I QUIT! YOU CAN SUCK THE AIR OUTTA MY FAT BALLS YOU PUNK ASS BITCHES!

Miss Rodriguez: "I'm so ashamed to call you my son. Such a disrespectful young man."

Jorge: "Ma?  'Your' one of my friends? I thought you were dead?"

Miss Rodriguez: "No, I'm just a lurker."


That's all, E.M.

Clean your Damn House!

I'm not the most anal-retentive person in the world but I do like to have a clean house. Nothing pisses me off more than a house that's so dirty, you are starting to step on important stuff. Don't you just love that sound of cracking plastic of a CD cover or that electronic device that your lazy ass didn't pick up? I think, even if you don't want to have a house or apartment which would be the envy of Felix Unger,  Your house should at least be sanitary, especially the bathroom and the kitchen. Your bathroom is the petridish of the entire house. It has a place for shit. There are no other places in your house where shit should be. If you have shit anywhere else in your house  (exception for TV shows and litter boxes) then you have a major problem and your kids need to be taken away. The bathroom is also where all of the other body fluids should be. Why the hell do people floss their teeth while watching TV? That's crap flying of of your mouth and onto the living room floor! Speaking of living rooms. That's the first place that people see when they enter your house. If the rest of your house is as clean as a hospital bed, it doesn't matter, because if the living room is dirty, you might as well have an old, festering horse carcass in the hallway. There's always this pattern of travel people take in your house whenever the visit and it drives me fucking bananas. It doesn't matter who they are: fist time visitors, in-laws, neighborrhood kids. They always travel the same route in our house so I have to make sure I have these rooms clean whenever anyone visits:

1) The living room is first, like I said, but I've seen in-laws go to the back door first for some strange reason, so make sure that area is clean.

2) They go into the kitchen: The only reason I think they do this is to make sure you're not trying to pull a fast one with the clean living room trick. Sometimes they may be carrying food which would be a good reason to be in your kitchen–IF THEY LET YOU TAKE THE FOOD TO THE KITCHEN. But they want to do it themselves, a clue that they're just spying on you.

3) Bathroom:  Everyone ends up there. Make sure you hide your pills in case they're a drug addict friend or just nosey and want to figure our what medical problems you're hiding. You may get away with a dirty bathtub for friends because they won't look behind a shower curtain, but in-laws will look for mold.

4) Bedrooms: You can close the door to the master bedroom but not the kids room. Everyone ends up there when the brats yell: "Hey! Aunt Bathsheba! You want to see my Barbie Planned Parenthood Clinic?

5) Backyard: If it's not going to rain, clean it. It doesn't have to be sterile but if there are kid visitors, you may want to remove the chainsaw collection and the wasp-nest honey experiment you have going in the back.

6) Basement: "Why the fuck are you going in my basement?" I think, but there they go. I've seen kids do this more than in-laws and friends. This should be danger free for that reason. Also, get rid of the porn collection, at least the fetish ones.

7) Front yard:  If the house had a head, this would be the hair. Everyone sees it and it goes downhill from there. Get the bathtub/toilet planter off the lawn you hillbilly!

8) Linen closet: Why the fuck? Again. Only female in-laws look in there.I remember this one time when a girl visited me and my roommates house. The first thing she said was:  "It's clean." Seriously, you've never seen our apartment. What were you expecting? Just because we're men, doesn't mean we spend all of our time mud wrestling bears in the living room. I decided that the reason some people like to snoop in your house when they visit is to 1) See if your shit is better than yours and 2) See if their chaotic lives are better than yours. If your place is clean, it's like saying:  "In your face! We've got two kids and a clean mother fucking house, bitch!


 I actually say that to the in laws when they visit, usually thrusting my pelvis in their direction. I had a neighbor stop by unexpectedly. We were busy opening birthday presents and so their was wrapping paper all over the floor. The rest of the house was clean. She looked so pleased to see the mess and said how she didn't feel bad about her messy house, now. I resisted the urge to say: " Do you open birthday presets everyday at your house?

After writing all of this, I think I'm going to go clean up, now.That's it, E.M