Schwooong!

On my way to work on Big-ass, slow, truck getting in my damn way, day; celebrated by having a large, slow truck keeping my car from catching any green lights, I heard a story on NPR or as I like to call it: Not Public, Really. There was a story of how scientist want to deal with the whole global warming thing. Not by building electric cars, low watt vibrators or getting people to stop driving SUVs, but by shooting reflective shit into the atmosphere and having the particles reflect sunlight; therefore cooling the planet a little. I'm going to pause for a second so you can think about this.........................Okay, let us think about this. Apparently, none of these scientist have ever seen the Animatrix. Remember, those series of cartoons based on the Matrix? What? Didn't see it? Neither did a lot of people. Okay in one of the series of cartoons, it shows the origin of the whole fucked-up Earth thing and why the sky is all lightning-smoky. Simple: the robots ran on solar power so the humans crop-dusted the atmosphere with smoke to block the sunlight, causing the robots to start using humans as batteries. Of course we don't have any computers or robots that can come close to world domination, YET! (insert 1950's sci-fi music here) But I rather they bribe coal company execs with NASCAR tickets and trailer-whore blow jobs, or spend trillions of dollars on a SUV buy-back program, before we start shooting metallic dust into the atmosphere–it's like sketching with all of humanity! When you try something stupid, like; say, pretending that the carpet is hot lava and try to go around your house without touching the floor (not that I'd ever do that) and your wife comes in and surprises you, causing you to fall onto that ugly-ass lamp you wanted to get rid of anyway, That qualifies as a stupid-ass thing to do BUT the worst thing that happened is a broken lamp shaped like an elephant having sex with Sarah Palin (or at least that's what it looked like to me). You can easily replace the lamp. YOU CAN"T REPLACE THE ATMOSPHERE. There's no reset button that makes that Apple computer start-up noise; Shwoooong!

Have you ever notice that all disaster movies always have a Black president? Is that why scientist want to try the whacky idea that causes tidal waves in the Tibetan mountains?

Coming soon! What happens when tons of metallic dust is shot into the atmosphere?
Jeff Goldblum, Morgan Freeman and John Cusack star in:
Armageddon the Fuck Outta HERE!

Humans are so lazy (I say that as if I'm some kind of alien or robot): OR AM I! But we always take the path of least resistance. Want to solve global warming? Crop dusting! Flooding? Trailers! World hunger or AIDS? Send them Bibles! War? More war!

One day, my daughters will ask me what we did to end global warming. I'd rather say. Built wind mills, bullet trains and carbon sucking power plants instead of scratching my belly, burping and then saying: "We farted into the atmosphere."

That's all, E.M
NPR story here